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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with another. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?